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9 Jul

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Less and More

4 Oct

A couple weeks ago I pinned an interesting looking blog series called “31 Days of Less & More”.  I really didn’t think much of it at the time and pushed it to the back of my mind.  Earlier today, I was on Facebook and a dear friend posted about the series and her blog post about Day 2.  As I read my friend’s post, I couldn’t stop my heart from jumping and my eyes from crying.

Day 2 is all about fear.  What we’re afraid of.  Why we’re afraid.  And what it means to be brave.  And it didn’t take me long to realize the feelings I’ve been having lately are almost all fear-related.

I decided to quit my job at the bank and stay at home.  It was great for the first week.  I didn’t feel the dread of having to get up at 5:30 am, be to work by 7:30 am and then spend the next 11 hours in an environment where I felt I didn’t help anyone with anything.  Sure, I ran people’s transactions and gave them their money, but it was not filling me.  I missed pouring myself into people.  And saw the opportunity to do that if I left the bank.  I could pour myself into my husband and our youth group.  I could pour myself into Lincoln and getting us healthy.  But as the days drifted on, less was getting done and I was feeling worse about leaving my job.

So now, let me tell you about my biggest fear: Not being able to have children.  And not just being able to give birth, but also not being able to ever adopt or foster.  And this fear lends itself to so many other fears.  Not being a good enough wife, not being a good enough person.  And when these fears weigh on me, I get sad and probably a little depressed.  And that just makes facing your fears even harder.

But the best part about this series is the encouraging “more” part.  Day 2 is also about courage.  Not just the, I’m-going-to-go-sky-diving-and-bungee-jumping, kind of courage.  The everyday, I’m-going-to-make-myself-better, kind of courage.  Which I think is sometimes harder.

How do I take my fear and become more courageous with it?  The answer to that question just leads to more fear.  Because, in all honesty, the hubs and I should probably start by going to see a doctor about not being able to conceive.  And that is TERRIFYING!  But it would also lead to starting on a path to getting answers.  And yes, they may be answers we don’t want to hear.  But we can then start the process of moving forward in whatever direction is best.

And until the hubs and I decide to move forward, I’ll tackle other smaller fears.  Like blogging.  Does anyone really read what’s going on here?  Would anyone care about the little things I love discovering and trying?  I guess I’ll never know until I try.  So come snuggle with me in my full size bed.  It’s bound to be a roller coaster of a ride!


26 Sep

I tend to have “motivation swings”.  Much like mood swings, these go up and down and sometimes sideways.  I tend to get really excited about something and have tons of motivation and then when it comes to seeing things through, motivation goes out the window!  I don’t know why this happens.  I think sometimes it’s the amount of time it’ll take.  Sometimes it’s my procrastination.  Sometimes I’m down right lazy.  But it’s time to get movin’ and stay motivated.

I recently found out I have PCOS – poly-cystic ovary syndrome.  It helps explain the weight gain over the last year and maybe the depression which keeps lingering.  It’s a hormone imbalance.  By losing weight and making life style changes, I should get back to normal.  It’s the motivation I need to kick my butt into gear.  And when I’m starting to feel better about myself, I know motivation to do other things will kick in.

This lack of motivation has also hindered the list I posted a while ago.  I’ve done only a few things from it.  But it’s time to get my butt in gear, so here we go!

How do you get and stay motivated?  

Writer’s block

14 Aug

It’s been a while since my last post.  I’ve been stuck with writer’s block.  And I still am.  The last week has been busy, but yet, I haven’t felt the need to share.  So, here are the highlights from the last week:

  • A very good friend came to see us!  We spent a couple of days in Chicago.  We hit the Art Institute of Chicago, Rebuilding Exchange, and Millenium Park.  We also spent a lot of time playing Settlers of Catan and Seafarers.  Eric and I were excited to have someone else to play with!
  • I helped bake some breads for the Lutherdale Fest which was last Saturday.  Yummy banana and zucchini bread!
  • I also helped fill cream puffs on the day of the Lutherdale Fest.  239 cream puffs to be exact ( I dropped one in the process!).
  • I’ve started taking care of the barnyard as well – about 15 chickens, 3 ducks, 1 turkey, 2 sheep, 4 goats, and a cow.  My first day was a bit rough, but I’m figuring out the best way to get things done and no one has gone without food or water, so that’s a plus!
  • I’m starting a health coaching program through the Mayo Clinic.  Our health insurance has a great program to earn some money toward medical expenses and after taking their survey, I found out I was eligible for this free service.  I have my first appointment today.  All appointments are over the phone and can be done on my schedule.  Stay tuned for updates on what’s happening!

I’m also hoping to get some painting done this week and to build our coffee table.  We finally got some living room furniture, so I think this space will be the first to get done!

A Little of This

9 Jun

We made it!  Well, we made it almost a week ago.  I can’t believe that a week ago we were driving through Montana, into North Dakota, and down to Aberdeen, South Dakota.  And so much has happened since we’ve been back…

On Tuesday we drove down to Eric’s potential new job.  I was asked to come down and check it out and get a feel for what it would be.  And I LOVED it!  It’s in a great location – an hour from Madison and Milwaukee and about an hour and a half from Chicago.  We’d be living on a lake again.  We’d have a house!  A real 4 bedroom, 1 1/2 bathroom house.  It got even better when Eric was offered the job and accepted.  Life is good!  God is good!

We’re not sure when we’ll be moving in, but there is so much potential with the house and the job.  Eric is going to grow so much with it and he’s so excited!  And I probably get to take some time off and enjoy the summer.  I can’t wait to start taking down wallpaper and painting and landscaping and planting a garden and Aaahhh!!!  My head is going in so many directions.  We’ll definitely need to prioritize and make lists…I love lists!

Half Way Home

3 Jun

It’s 7:30 am Central Standard Time.  That’s right, we’re finally in the Central Time Zone!  But I can’t help but think what time it is back in Idaho and that I’d hopefully still be sleeping there.  It’s also going to take some getting used to the fact that I’m no longer 3 hours behind friends in Maryland, 2 hours behind family in the Midwest and 1 hour behind my brother in New Mexico.  I LOVE being in Central Time!

We had a bit of a rough start to our journey.  We had planned to leave at 7:00 am on June 1.  We didn’t roll out of camp until 10:00 am; at least we made it out on June 1 (it was iffy for a while).  First, we didn’t have everything packed yet.  Most everything was in boxes, but not in the moving truck.  And we still had to clean.  I’ll miss our 432 square foot cabin for this reason – it takes no time to clean!  And then, there’s the trailer for our truck…

Eric didn’t think it would take long to get the truck on the trailer.  And it shouldn’t have taken long.  He knew exactly what needed to be done.  And he did.  The stupid trailer wouldn’t cooperate.

First, our truck is a little finicky.  But he got it most of the way on the trailer and only needed to go about 10 more inches, when CRASH!  A ramp fell out from under one side of the truck.  Holy *&$#!  The truck was fine and lucky for us we had some friends helping who jumped right in and got the ramp back under the truck.  We got it situated and were putting the ratchet straps around the tires and discovered they were too small.  You’ve got to be kidding me!  We started letting air out of the front tires and the straps finally went around.  Needless to say, we were totally stressed and I was at a breaking point.  But Eric got us going and we made it to Billings, MT our first day.  Exactly where we were going.

Nothing major happened on our drive yesterday.  It was actually very relaxing until we were about 2 hours from our destination and I was exhausted!  I had a few moments of, what the hell are we doing?  Why did we decide to do this?  What happens when we get to WI?  Eric was again on calming-me-down duty and we made it to Aberdeen, SD.  Exactly where we were going.

It’s now almost 8:00 am, and we have a much shorter day today.  We’re only going about 200 miles.  My cousin graduates and we get to see family!  It’ll be a great stopping point today.  And then off we go to WI tomorrow.  Stay tuned to see if we make! :o)

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